Anyone that knows me knows that I get crushes on semi-famous people. Not so much the Jessica Albas or Jessica Simpsons of the world (though if either one of those ladies would like to ditch their significant zeroes and get themselves this HERO, I wouldn't mind), but rather the ladies who are just on the fringe of being famous.
My latest crush is Dallas Observer columnist Andrea Grimes, whom I fell in love with after I read her feature article Douchebags in the Mist, about the $30k millionaire that plague our fair city. I literally peed my pants reading her article, and realized I had read other articles of hers that I had enjoyed, most notably her trip to the haven of douchery here in Dallas, The Ghost Bar. I told a friend of mine about my crush, and she asked me what she looked like.
"I have no idea, but I love her and want to marry her words."
She told me I should Google her, but I thought that was a bit too stalker-y. Luckily, she did it for me, and sent me her Myspace profile.
Holy cow, I really was in love. Not only is this woman a gifted journalist whose prose flows off the page like honey over...um....well, she's a good writer, but she's really cute too. And she's a stand up comedian! A million plans to run into her began to run through my mind, none of them with the "When Harry Met Sally"-ness that I was hoping for.
And then, tragedy struck. I found out that my dream woman was moving out of town. And worst, she was moving to Austin.
Don't get me wrong, I like Austin as much as the next person, but I don't understand the fascination with it. The artistically minded people here in Big D look to Austin like Muslims look to Mecca, as the end-all, be-all of life on this planet. It's a fun city, sure, and it's got some cool places to go, but is it the best city in the world? I don't think so.
And I hate the label that Austin has given itself, as "The Live Music Capital of the World", which is bullshit. I've heard more live music walking down Music Row in Nashville than I ever have in Austin. Unless homeless people snoring is music.
And people who live in Austin think that everywhere else sucks. They look with derision north towards Dallas and southeast towards Houston (I can understand that, though. Houston sucks). And this isn't a defense of Dallas either. I am not a fan of Dallas, and in the past five or six years, it has gotten all kinds of douchey. But my favorite places in Texas are Fort Worth, with it's "Gateway to the West" feel and it's laid back attitude, and San Antonio, which I think is one of the most beautiful older cities I've ever seen. Both those places have history and culture, whereas Austin seems to be trying to invent that for itself.
In her last post, Andrea goes on and on about the reasons why she's leaving Dallas for our hippy cousin to the south. And at first, I was a little pissed off, getting defensive of my birth city. But then I got to thinking. All the reasons that she's leaving Dallas are all the reasons I want to leave Dallas. I guess it's envy, seeing her go off to another city to start a new life, while I'm stuck here with the douchebags and plastic Barbie dolls that make up the majority of the young people in my city.
But maybe I'll find myself in Austin, having just moved there because I just got a new job working for "Friday Night Lights" (best show on TV, if you aren't watching it, you don't have a soul.) And I'm enjoying a Guinness at Fado's, which is my favorite Irish pub that isn't in Ireland (now that The Blarney Stone has closed down), and this cute girl saddles up to me, and starts talking about how much she loves Austin and why she's glad to get away from all the $30k millionaires up in Dallas, and I'll remark that I read an article about that, and she'll say...
"I wrote that article."
And that'll be it. Closing credits, the end.
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